Life #8: Social Anguish
In February this year, we farewelled my elder sister Bev, who tragically passed away. Bev was a wonderful and very special sister, a loving and attentive mother, and the most dedicated and passionate of teachers. I dedicate this chapter to Bev with deep emotion, as I reflect, question, imagine and wonder. Most of all, I wanted to let Bev know just how much she was loved and how dearly she will be missed.
To this tranquil beach, I imagined that you came
I search out to sea, for that sign of you again
Our feelings ripped raw
Still cut to the core
Life without you Bev, will never be the same
I shout our silly language, that only we know
Deo deo, deo a lizy guardio
And shobalobaloo
Were my last words to you
Oh big sister, why’d you have to go?
You were my guiding beacon, a bright and shining light
Leading by example, you taught me what was right
My home base when away
When I came back to stay
Always there to meet me, off an international flight
The letters that you wrote, I keep and treasure
I read them with mixed, remorse and pleasure
And from Ollie and Dan
All written by hand
To their Uncle Kev, I’ll cherish forever
You doted over your incredible boys
They were your absolute pride and joy
A teacher and a mum
Conducted with aplomb
But were you still grappling, a lingering void?
To leave us siblings, Steve, Linda and Kevin
Too young to die, at just sixty-seven
And your Dan and Ollie
In deep melancholy
Too much family are now up there in heaven
We lost those years, that we all went missing
When we searched for you, at the Mount club fishing
Those years of forsaking
Aching, heartbreaking
Long forgotten now, and not for reminiscing
It seems you’d been sick, for such long time
Yet your happy façade, that you were just fine
Your internal war
I wish we’d done more
Your loved-ones and life, left on the front line
You’d blazed the trail for the rest of us
You carried the can, without any fuss
You set the trend
My first best friend
But Bev there’s more, we could’ve discussed
Like the bottled-up trauma, from so long ago
Those childhood challenges, you could never let go
What was the trigger
To make them grow bigger
Internalised issues, that I’ll never know
Bev how did you become, so thin and frail
So many stories, you would never unveil
Your beautiful smile
Had been gone for a while
That special laugh lost, when your life derailed
Why didn’t you seek help, before too late
Before this wicked illness, had sealed your fate
Your situation denied
For dignity and pride
Or was there simply, too much on your plate?
You had a loving family, around you that cared
That if only you could’ve, trusted and shared
Was it just privacy
Or stubborn anxiety
Or fear of advice, that made you too scared?
I told you I would come, and you waited for me
But by then no chance, of a recovery
I hoped you could hear
And knew I was there
You’d open your eyes, but you struggled to see
I stayed with you Bev, on that final night
I sat at your bedside; I held your hand tight
All alone we were one
Like when we were young
To the end, you put up a hell of a fight
I cast back to this beach, the lone seal that I saw
After a phone call with you, just a fortnight before
That rare apparition
A poignant premonition
How I cried as you waved, swimming off from the shore
I stare out to sea, where your spirit has flown
Through the void are your boys, with families of their own
So long between innings
We’ll start new beginnings
In memory of you Bev…. missed more than you could’ve known
Kevin Holmes • 12th April 2023
